I tried to really go forward this morning with positivity in the forefront of my mind.
It started poorly but I held on, just.
But frustration soon sunk its teeth into my feelings. And it bit down hard.
I fought tooth and nail to try and push past it but every time I felt like I was holding steady? I got hit over and over again.
The more frustrated I got the more anxious I got. I started to doubt myself. To over think everything…
Every look my way, every little thing I did, it all played on my mind and made me shrink inwards. It was really hard to so anything.
I managed to talk to someone one for a moment or two. And although that made me feel better – it didn’t last and the void left just flooded with anxiety…
This is so incredibly hard to deal with. And the worst bit is worrying how my actions affect my friends. The closer I feel to the friend the more worry I feel. The fear of pushing them away or upsetting them just takes over and overwhelms me.
And seeing as the friend I felt closest to was at work today; the worry I felt was just upsetting. #cryitout was the order of my walk tonight…
Hating to Love 