‘I’ve been there, so I know’ ‘You should be on tablets because its been a long time and you’re still like this’ ‘You’ve got to get a handle on it’ ‘You need to sort it out already’
These comments were from a colleague earlier.
At a glance they might not seem that negative. But the fact is her tone was harsh and impatient.
That and they also think you can cure it (they think I should be better by now was the result of the conversation.) I left them to serve a customer and said I needed to get some more stock. They got moody with me because they had just started to wash up.
I told them I was going, visibly upset and didn’t want to admit in front of a customer that I was really struggling.
I went into the warehouse, and cried.
I just broke down. My hand wouldn’t stop shaking, my breathing had sped up, and cried.
I’m not proud of it. Nor do i want sympathy. God, how i don’t want sympathy.
But it happened all the same.
When i came back to the department (with stock i did actually need) i explained to them what happened and apologised for leaving them so suddenly.
Those comments were just a sample of what i got in return.
My struggle is not something that will disappear over night. Has it been a long time since the symptoms became overwhelming? Yes!
Have i been suffering since before that? Yes.
Does that make me less deserving of understanding and a little compassion? No. Although it certainly feels like it.
I just want a little understanding and for people (who think they know but actually don’t have a clue) to give me some support. I’m not asking for special treatment, thats the last thing i want, but a little understanding here and there wouldnt go a miss.
I managed to calm myself down and have been subdued ever since. Subdued, but relatively ok.
Fuck this life and fuck people. Thats what situations like this make me feel the most.
Well, aside from the sadness.