Ironic sadness…

Above, is one of the best photos I’ve ever taken. And by that i mean it’s one of my favourites. If not *the* favourite. 

I find it a little ironic that I’ve taken this photo, one that makes me smile, on a night i feel so sad.

I’ve not been upset like this in quite a few days. It’s like every time i think about how much better im doing i self destruct and end up getting upset. 

I suppose it’s just how things go. A process to work through. I guess we don’t think about how much things affect us until they overwhelm us.

I’m now, officially, on my week off. Although technically I’ve been off since Sunday.

I am getting through it ok but there have been some quite hard moments. 

I think this week off has come at the perfect time too. Things were getting a little overwhelming at work and i just felt like i was going around in circles. 

I still feel a little like that, but the anxiety of being in that building is not there right now. Which is a huge plus.

It’s replaced by a heightened sense of anxiety about going out but i am trying to fight that by going out at least for my evening walks as well as going into town for lunch.

Im trying to build some sort of confidence and looked at some meditation apps today. Hopefully i can use them to help me become less focused on the past and future, and simply be in the present. Something i really do struggle with.

Anyway, here’s a photo from tonight’s walk to go with my favourite photo (above).

I will hope for the rest of my week off (i dont go back to work until next Wednesday) to be chilled and full of writing!

Maybe a little company from somewhere, anywhere, if im lucky. Although i shan’t be holding my breath!

I caught an episode of ‘new girl’ today. I remembered watching it and enjoying it when it first came out. It’s come a long way since i stopped watching it. But then i saw a scene that reminded me that i stopped watching it because it just felt too real. In the sense that it was a little sad and upsetting.

I turned it over because what was said really hit a nerve and upset me. Stupid really, i know, but silly little things are still quite painful. 

Maybe one day they won’t hurt so much. Or maybe they always will. Either way? I hope i can keep going with the progress I’m making. I just need to put aside all these thoughts about (E) and stop seeing her everywhere!


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