Today was a half day…

Today was an odd day. 

I woke up, with a little help from my alarms, quickly enough. But my bus was 20 minutes late, making me late for work. 

Stress inducing to say the least. Calming techniques helped a little but then, after getting to work, i saw all the extra work i had to do as well as my job, and that just increased my anxiety.

It was made worse by having no one there that could help me feel calm. So i had to try and calm myself and not let things unsettle me even more. Easier said than done. 

I did have the pleasure of leaving early for a half day. Which helped my anxiety calm, massively. 

What worries me a little, is the fact that my thoughts about (E) have been increasingly invasive. I was coping well enough for a while but my mind finds it all to easy to think of her. It drives me a little crazy in an odd way. 

The same thing that used to help me enjoy my thoughts of her is now making it really hard to get her off my mind.

I need to let it go. I get that. But the hard truth is that i still care for her beyond reason. I have every reason to stop. But my mind is stuck in a holding pattern and my heart wont let it leave. 

I have to believe I’ll get there, to a place where i can feel better and feel a little more at peace with these thoughts. Like i said the other night. 

I am still yet to share my relatively recent dream about (E). I will aim to do so in a post over the next week. I keep having flashes from that dream. I need to get those thoughts out of my head. Just for a little piece of mind! 

Anyway, i now have a few days off before my last stint prior to my holiday. I intend to do some writing (not sure when or what yet) and also chill a little. 

Until next time. 

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