Ok. So i obviously sidetracked myself in the last post. So much so i forgot to share the main reason i wanted to write the post!
So, let me quickly share it now…
When i was walking home last night, i found myself thinking about a conversation I’d possibly have with (E). Just my brain overthinking and worrying for no real reason. As mentioned before.
So, i tried to think about a funny memory that had no connection with (E) whatsoever. It was difficult as I was a little unfocused from shedding a few tears before hand (and feeling silly).
But i settled on one of my earliest memories:
When i was around 2 years old, my mother and father (biological, not current) took me to a fair ground. It was in the early nineties so it was one of those cheap and cheerful places that we all loved growing up.
Well, my father had one me a prize and I’d chosen this little, cute, brown teddy bear.
The problem was it came in a giant ball filled with confetti. I, being only 2, thought i was getting a teddy. I thought the prize giving stall owner was being mean. The bear was stuck in the ball. It was like giving me chocolate and saying i couldnt eat it…
So i got stroppy and threw (yes, threw) it back at the poor stall owner. He passed it back telling me id won a prize to keep. I started to cry and shouted “no i dont want it” – as i once again threw it back to the stall owner.
I dont remember which of the two realised i just wanted the teddy bear and really thought it was trapped, but the stall owner cut it open and, very cheerfully, handed the most amazing little brown teddy bear over to me. I was the happiest little boy in the whole wide world.
I no longer own that bear, but that memory still makes me smile, even laugh, sometimes.
Anyway, that story of me as a young boy without a clue is probably my earliest memory. It’s also funny as hell.
Using it last night, to substitute the memories (of me and (E) meeting in a local town before me taking her out for a good luck dinner) starting to occur, really helped. It didnt stop me thinking about that day but it did help me smile through the tears. And that’s a small but impressive victory…