I wanted to write something on here tonight, but i didnt want it to be focused around (E). Or how i feel about her.
But, the sad truth is, i find it hard to think of much else. I miss her.
There are times during the day where i can busy myself. Whether I’m playing video games, reading a book, or writing. But the minute i stop all those overwhelming thoughts come rushing in. Its almost as if they’re a tsunami, the times where I’m busy are the times those thoughts pull the tide out, just before they hit.
Just like a tsunami, there’s nothing i can do to stop them. They are going to hit me. Hard.
I set aside my evening jaunts to try and let any lingerng emotions, tied to those thoughts, out. And usually i go to sleep a little low but i dont cry myself sleep as much anymore (my recent birthday excluded – for obvious reasons).
This whole situation has hit me harder than i ever thought.
I come out, like i have tonight, and try to lose myself among the stars but these thoughts bring me crashing down.
I go back to work on Thursday, after 2 weeks off, and i am not looking forward to it because it means more stress going into my mind, when i already feel like im drowning.
On the plus side, im seeing my counseller on Monday and that should help (i hope).
In the meantime I’m trying to write about volcanoes for my science blog. I felt like it was time to start that up again. Now, if only i could get my mind into that short story again…