Im currently on my way to London for my break. I thought I’d be excited. But im genuinely scared.
Not because of the recent events in Westminster, but because i feel alone. I’m starting to think it was a mistake coming and that i should have cancelled it altogether.
I went along with the booking because i thought the time away might help.
But last night, after watching a tv show with my brother that had an upsetting scene in it (two people that liked each other. The girl said ‘what’ when the guy looked at her), i got upset. I cried for the first time in about a week and a half.
On the way to the train station i felt really upset too. And the entire journey so far has felt like a little bubble of fast moving anxiety.
Burying emotions and not having to face them, like I’ve been able to do since not speaking to (E), has not helped – what a surprise.
So now, i make my way to my hotel, im not even in London yet, and have no idea what to do.
Tomorrow i turn 30 years old. And i feel so low, so upset. I find it hard to see any enjoyment out of that what so ever.
I have my next counselling appointment next monday. But I’m starting to regret not cancelling this trip and going there this week instead.
I plan on going to the natural history museum tomorrow – hopefully walking around and taking that all in will help me.
As for the rest of my time – im going to try and work on my writing or simply read.
And just try to bury these feelings for a few more days.