Keeping up appearances…

Ok. Here’s my plan for my posts in the foreseeable future: I’m treating this blog as a diary of sorts. The thoughts and sentences will not flow as easily as they use to. But they will act as a way of me getting thoughts down. That means no more structure. Just getting things down. I hope you can all appreciate this temporary change of format is just my way of coping with my feelings…

It’s been rather windy the past week. Warm and sunny during the day, but windy as anything. There are some storms brewing out at sea.

Now, I’m not a fan of hot weather, i much prefer a calm, spring/autumn day. Windy and a calm heat – heaven for me.

But this wind takes the micky.

I’ve been going for my 8.30-9pm outings like normal. But the wind has been cutting me short. I like to get out, it’s calming for me to get out of the house, especially with a lot of family around these days. It can be quite hectic (and draining).

I’ve been going out to look at the stars (the skies have been remarkably clear as well) and i admit I do enjoy hunting for shooting stars (none since my last wish).

I am a little disappointed that the weather is not more favourable, as I’d sit out there for more than the half hour, but it’s too cold and far too much sand makes its way into my eyes for my liking… I’m still hoping for the wind to die down a little and for a certain form of company. But alas nothing yet – I keep hoping.

It’s becoming more and more time for me and my chillout and less about waiting but I still hope that something might come of it.

That said, I do think the counselling will help in the long run – and I’ll be using these evening jaunts to reflect on what was said/gone through.

On an odd note, I still plan on going to London this week (for my birthday). It will be a little sad I think, because of the obvious, but I plan on just enjoying the 4* hotel I have booked and maybe doing some writing (hopefully I have the motivation back by then).

That means I won’t be home for my half hour jaunts on Monday or Tuesday – A shame, but maybe the change of scenery will do me good. One can hope.

I still have dreams of reconciliation, of memories, of intimacy – the feel of her hands still plagues my dreams.

Anyway, I’m settling down with Iron Fist, on Netflix with my brother, tonight. 

I’ve stopped looking at my phone with my heart in my mouth every time it goes off.


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