Unbridled Agony…

How does a person tell you they love you, only to end things and walk away from you?

How can someone go from wanting to be with you in the most intimate of ways, and suddenly just want to pull back and be friends?

More importantly, how do i get there?

I’ll tell you how i feel in life right now…

I feel like i was going down a path. A path i knew well. Then, out of the blue a parallel path appeared. And on that path was a girl, (E). 

She took my reluctant hand and i jumped onto her path. She embraced me, held tightly to my hand as she led me down her path. 

As we travelled she said things to me:

“You make me smile like no one else has” 

“I’ve never felt this way about someone before”

“I couldnt imagine my life without you in it”

“I love you”

These words, and more, kept my fears at bay and allowed me to stay with her even though i was scared. My feelings grew alongside hers and we were happy. In love.

Then, out if nowhere, she hopped onto another path. Having led me down one i do not know. 

I do not see how to get back to my own path, nor do i see behind me to rewind time. I cannot follow her onto her path, because i do not know how to jump without her .

She wants to be friends, just friends, but how can i be that when i still love her more than life itself?

I dont want to make things difficult, nor do i want to lose her completely. But i also want the love i had before. I want the girl who made me smile like no one ever had before, the girl who appreciated me for who i was. Like no one ever had before.

But she isn’t there. 

Nor can we talk about why. She wont let me in anymore and its devastating. Truly. All i want is for her to take my hand again. Im holding mine out for her. But she’s not yet reaching back. 

How do i make peace with being ‘just friends’ when im always going to want more?


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