Keeping track, part 13

Today’s not been a good day.

I’ve been very emotional, from the moment i left my house for work. 

I know why im feeling low and upset. And i know mornings are harder for me than the afternoon, but that doesnt stop me from hating that i cry. 

Now, im not talking about full on sobbing, im simply on about tearing up, the emotional hurt kind of crying. I had (E) running through my mind all day today. Everywhere i looked little things about people reminded me of her and i just couldn’t let it go.

I know feeling like this is natural and people keep telling me it’ll get better. But that is not what i care about right now. What i care about is (E).

And all i want is to fix it and make things right. I cant. And seeing as she’s still not come to me, i can only assume she still doesnt want to fix it herself.

I keep finding myself getting excited when i see a car the same brand/make as hers, or when i hear an approaching engine during my time spent at my window taking in the sounds (clearing my mind).

But still, 4/5weeks later there’s no sign of her coming back. And it’s heart wrenching. I know i should just move on and dump these feelings, but the truth is i dont want to.

I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and i cant get my head around the fact that it’s over. I keep dreaming about her, about being with her, or seeing her after a few months and just hitting it off all over again. 

They’re heart shattering dreams because they are so intense with emotion.

I’m hoping she can find her way to the feelings she may still have for me. I hope she can follow them back to me.

Hope. A fools hope. But hope none-the-less. 


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