Keeping track, part 8

Ok. There were no dreams at all last night! I was dream free.

I wont lie, i looked out my window last night several times – hoping I’d had some sort of vision and she was coming to speak to me. I am afraid to say it was just a vivid dream after all.

It’s a shame, i still think of her all the time. I miss her like crazy and it doesn’t get easier. The pain is less intense now, but when you have no contact with someone you love, that eventually happens.

I still wish for a reconciliation, i dont expect it to be some grand romantic moment taken from the movies, but i want it to happen none-the-less.

I hate that im stuck like this, but i dont want to just give these feelings up, i dont want to have to stow them. I cant force things, i cant make them happen. If things ever happened again – the balls in her court. She has to decide if they ever will. I dont want to give all that power over me to someone – but i cant help how i feel. 

I want to smile and be happy in myself before anything does happen again though. And i am starting to get there – i laughed heartily yeasterday. I smiled a lot too! 
Those are my positives. They are what i intend to use to try and coax myself out of low moments today!

I wont stop hoping she’ll be there when i turn the corner to walk down my road. Or that she’ll message me asking to see me again. But i can hope im not as disappointed when shes isnt/doesnt.

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