Keeping track, part 7

Talk about undoing all that hard work.

When i left work yesterday, i shed tears. But it was because i was relieved to be out of there.

I called the counsellors and was told 2-3 weeks for an appointment – a long time, but at least now i have an idea of when to expect a call – the anxiety of not knowing has been eased.

My post last night mentioned the thoughts I’d had about seeing (E). About that excitement of my phone going off.

Well i had two dreams about (E) last night. The first one was us laying in bed together – the same dream i always have. Us cuddling, hands intertwined. Again, i woke up as we kissed.

The second dream? Well thats the reason for my turmoil this morning. I dreamt that she did come to see me. I met her outside my house at night. And we walked over to an alcove near the closed hotel across the road from me (it was cold and windy). She wanted to talk, and when she turned up she was nervous but happy to see me. As we got to the alcove, we stood across from each other, and i studied her face. Not to figure out what she wanted, i wanted to take in the details of her face, I’d missed her so much. And it felt so real. 😥

As she went to speak, i woke up. But i woke up with the dream still fresh in my mind, as if we’d literally just met for real! When i say it felt real, i mean it feels like a memory. Like it actually happened. 

My mind is a mess this morning. Im trying to figure out if it happened or not. I genuinely can’t tell. 

Garh! I hate the way the human brain works! 😥

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