A break…

It’s become apparent to me thst right now im not in a very good place.

Things seem to have fallen apart around me. Things i thought were right, were wrong. 

And everything makes me feel so uncomfortable and just low.

So, I’ve made the decision to stop this blog for a while.  If i can help it.

I’ve tried to read back my previous posts and use them as a bouy to help me find my way. But there’s so much on here about (E), that i’ve somehow poisoned my own chalice. 

I need a break. From everything. 

I hope i get an appointment soon. Because i want to feel better so much.

But, when i awake this low everyday,  i dont see what I’ve done in my life to deserve this.

Maybe i do deserve this. Maybe i did something horrible without realising and this is my punishment. 

Maybe life’s not fair and the good people get punished. I dont know.

All i know is, i feel the lowest I’ve ever felt. In myself, about where i am in life, about everything I’ve felt over the last 18months (specifically the past 4)

I’m so confused in my mind, about where to go now, what to feel, how to deal with this break up.

Where do i put this love where it cant hurt me anymore?

I’m going offline for a while, because all im doing is posting the same crap. And it doesnt make me feel better. It makes me feel worse.

In myself and because i know if (E) reads it she’ll feel bad too.

I dont want that. So im leaving this blog for a little while. I hope i can get better soon. I really do wish that.

Goodbye for now.

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