I’ll be honest. I have few friends.
I have a handful of people i enjoy talking too but no one i actively hang out with.
I’ve got no one i can just talk to about anything and everything.
I simply dont feel comfortable around anyone like that.
With (E) i felt like I’d met someone who i could be fully open with. Someone i could talk to about anything and everything.
Now she’s gone i feel like im stuck here feeling these emotions and feelings but i have no way to get them out. Sure i have this blog but it’s not the same as having someone there for you.
Im a closed off person, i dont let people close to me. People think they’re close to me but i dont ever feel comfortable around them.
It’s a curse because i’d love to have friends and hang out with them. But i get anxious and nervous and cant handle situations like meeting new people.
(E) was different, i felt i could let her in and not worry about feeling insecure.
Yes, I’m feeling the aftermath of that now, the pain, the internal maelstrom of emotion that makes me feel nervous all the time, especially around people.
I’m a jittery, enotional wreck. There’s no other way of putting it.
And it sucks. I dont know how to get better, i dont know how to feel happy in myself but more than that, i dont know how to stop feeling so alone.