So, I’m waiting for a phone call to tell me when my first meeting will be.
Waiting like this is torture of the highest order.
I think the waiting, along with me being nervous about going into work to deliver my doctors note on saturday, is making me rather anxious.
Which in turn makes me anxious about how I’m feeling in general. Which heightens my nerves and anxiety about things with (E) – mainly about how i feel about it all.
But i also realise that this anxiety is what’s been causing my solemn mood the past few days.
I can’t stop it right now, i simply dont know how. And its making me panic. About everything I’ve put on here, everything in my head.
I’ve held off messaging (E) because i know, in this state, it would be a mistake. But it doesnt stop me wanting her to be here and hug it all away. To just spend time with her again.
All the feelings i have for (E) are still here, in my heart and in my head.
I just get a little messed up in my mind and cant seem to handle it very well right now.
I wish i could handle everything better.
But i cant. And im not that person.
I know i have to handle it in my own way, i just wish i could have that hug. I wish (E) was still there to give that hug.
Because there’s no one else it could come from that would make me feel ok
Which is a shame, because she’s the one person i can’t actually have a hug from right now 😥