“…I’ll never break your heart…”
What do I say?
I set out to write one more post before bed. But, now I sit here, words are like stones in my throat.
I’m regressing. To how I was a week ago. Into desperation.
My feelings, having been stirred up by the phone call yesterday and my inability to control them has left me in turmoil once more.
I want nothing more than a hug. For her to be here, or me there, and us to cuddle. For everything to disappear into perfection once more.
But life’s not like that. I know that. Life is not perfection.
But sometimes, every now and then, a miraculous occurrence happens.
I wish that one such miracle would happen for us, me and (E).
I know I should focus on me and myself. On getting my own head straight.
But the truth is, I wish nothing but happiness for (E). And right now I think about how she must be feeling and wish I could simply make her feel better.
I like to think that, if she’s reading this, and she feels like she needs a cuddle, she can just think of me there next to her giving her all the cuddles she could ever need to make her feel better. To make her smile.
It’s what I imagine every night before I go to bed. Her, here, head on my chest, her hand in my hand, and us just cuddling. It makes me feel slightly more at ease.
I know it might sound crazy, or silly but I miss her just cuddling with me. Our games of handsies. The little comforts.
I felt safe with her cuddled up to me and I want to go back to that little bubble.
All I can think of right now are the lyrics to that Kaleida song ‘Think’