Emotional free roaming..

Controlling my emotions isa bit of a problem for me. It’s why I’ve gone to try and get counsilling. 

I got a little bit upset when i went out for lunch earlier. All i could do was think about (E) turning up out of the blue – like some love-sick puppy. It was upsetting because the realist in me knows it’ll never happen!

I have a phone call coming up later today that will allow the councillor to decide what sort of help i need and for how long i need it. 

I’d be lying if i didnt say i was nervous. When i was out, looking for the place with the best signal – my house has zero signal, the panic hit me a little. Im scared. Not because ive got help, bht because i know im going to get upset on the phone to the counsillor.

I can’t help feeling like this so i suppose i just have to go with it but it makes me feel really vulnerable and i hate feeling like that. 

I’m also a little scared as to what the dignosis will be and how long I’ll have to wait for an actual appointment. 

These are all things completely out of my control and i have no business worrying about them – but i do.

It’s my overthinking brain. It goes through an incredible amount of scenarios and it’s always the worst ones that stick out.

I’ve lost the balance i was just finding, in regards to my overthinking, and it sucks.

2hrs until the phone call. I’m going to watch some of the film ‘Interstellar’ to try and calm myself down before hand. 

It might also help me get (E) off my mind for just a little while!

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