What a surprise.

Well, I don’t know how to say it other than to just say it: I read it. I read (E)’s surprise.

It was hard, really hard, and I nearly cried. I held the tears back, for fear of ruining it, and it was even harder to do that and read it. But other than the 4 typo’s [annoying] it was as I thought it would be. Lovely.

I worry now, after our conversation on Saturday, that she won’t really enjoy it as much as I’d hoped. I know she’ll appreciate it but, as I had it created before knowing what I know now, it might not be as well received. I just hope she understands and accepts it as it is.

I’m slowly resetting my emotional state. Reading it has upset any balance I’ve had recently. I’m trying to get that balance back as I’d hoped to maybe have another conversation with (E) later. Although unless I get this balance soon, I doubt I’ll be able t go through with it. 

It sounds silly that it can still affect me this much, but the mere thought of her, her face materialising in my mind as if summoned by that thought, just hits me for six.

I’m going to try and bury this sorrow for now and try to balance myself out.


On the plus side, the fear I had about having to go to work tomorrow has dissipated. Mostly, at least.

I do have a bit of apprehension about the phone call tomorrow night mind you. I’m a little scared about what they’ll ask. I’ll be honest, it’s not worth all this if I lie but it’s still scary none-the-less.

Until later then!

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