Yoyo master.

I want my heart and brain to work together but the truth is they seem to tske it in turns.

My heart, on one shoulder, tells me what i want to hear. You love her, live in hope. Wait for her, it’ll be romantic. 

My brain, on the other shoulder, is telling me what i need to hear: yes it would be a grand romantic gesture. But? What if there is no second chance? You will always love her, but don’t waste your life waiting for something thst might never happen. Hope, yes, but move on with your life, be happy and do you.

Good things come to those who wait – she said that herself. It might be her, it might be someone else. 

Love her, hope its her, be there for her if it is her. But if its not? Be in a place where you still have your own life.

These conflicting emotions sound like a no-brainer: follow my brain right?

It’s not that easy.

My heart is playing on my desires and weakness to fight them in this state.

And my brain has trouble being heard through all the white noise. I know what i need is to balance both. I need to follow my heart, for sure, but i also need to be able to engage my brain and control thise impulses. 

That’s what i have trouble with. Balancing and having control.

I never saw it as much of an issue until recently. And it’s a shock to the system.

Hopefully i can find that balance, go after what i want in a romantic manner but a manner that’s back by logic and sensibility.

I know love is not logical. But being able to control ones emotions is rooted in logic.

Regardless of whether me and (E) get a second chance or not, i need to be able to control my emotions, so i can decide when they come out, instead of being ruled by them and suffering this turmoil forever.

Easier said than done, as i have no idea how to get there. 

Not even a clue where i should start.

And with it affecting my work and home life so drastically, it’s obvious to me (now) that i need help.

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