The hard choice.

I hate my conscience. 

Tonight (E) messaged me with a video. We shared a few words and then i said goodnight. Im not sure if two nights in a row is a good thing for my emotions. 

We had such a good talk last night, but im still trying to come to terms, emotionally, with what was said.

I felt bad because i got the impression she wanted to talk more tonight.and i do feel bad. Because i like talking to her and dont want to push her away.

It’s so hard talking to her because im scared of two things:

  • Slipping up and saying something I’d regret (about how i feel) in a moment of weakness – and basically make things awkward.
  • Messing my own emotions up by either doing the above or falsely getting my own hopes up.

The problem I’m having is that it’s also so hard turning her away. šŸ˜„

Like i said, i want to talk to her because its (E). I love her. But if i dont feel ready for two nights in a row, i feel im doing the right thing, for us both

I just hope I’ve made the right decision. She says its ok, that she doesnt mind, but in my mind I’ll always feel bad for turning her away. Because it’s (E).

I wish i could let it go. But my conscience is eating away at me. What if she really needs to talk? šŸ˜„

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