I hate my conscience.
Tonight (E) messaged me with a video. We shared a few words and then i said goodnight. Im not sure if two nights in a row is a good thing for my emotions.
We had such a good talk last night, but im still trying to come to terms, emotionally, with what was said.
I felt bad because i got the impression she wanted to talk more tonight.and i do feel bad. Because i like talking to her and dont want to push her away.
It’s so hard talking to her because im scared of two things:
- Slipping up and saying something I’d regret (about how i feel) in a moment of weakness – and basically make things awkward.
- Messing my own emotions up by either doing the above or falsely getting my own hopes up.
The problem I’m having is that it’s also so hard turning her away. 😥
Like i said, i want to talk to her because its (E). I love her. But if i dont feel ready for two nights in a row, i feel im doing the right thing, for us both.
I just hope I’ve made the right decision. She says its ok, that she doesnt mind, but in my mind I’ll always feel bad for turning her away. Because it’s (E).
I wish i could let it go. But my conscience is eating away at me. What if she really needs to talk? 😥