My heart is broken. It’s shattered. Truly it is. Those of you reading this blog will know that.
But I have no one to talk to. The one person in my life I felt comfortable talking to about anything? Is the one person I cannot talk to about this heartbreak – because she is the one who’s caused it.
There’s no ill will, that’s not a dig at her. It’s just a fact.
I’ve never felt like I could talk to anyone in my family about things like this. My mum is just too aggressive “you don’t need them.”, “better off without them”, “Screw them”.
That doesn’t work for me. Especially when the person who’s made me feel like this, has done nothing truly wrong. It’s just unfortunate it’s happened. She’s not done it on purpose.
So, telling me I’m better off without (E) and “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” are not appropriate responses if you’re trying to make me feel better. I was actually much better off with (E), and no one wants to know or even think about other people when they’re hurting like this – I know I don’t.
So, I do not talk to my mother about things like this. But then she gets annoyed at me and has a go at me for not talking to her. I’ve literally just broken down asking her to leave me alone to deal with it in my own way. Yes, I am miserable and down, but that’s what happens when the girl you love tells you she doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
It bloody hurts. Let me deal with it in my own way.
Add to that my 21-year-old brother’s “Oh well, so she dumped you, get over it already” attitude and you can see why, even in my own home, I feel very much alone.
I can honestly say that if I had the money to move out and live on my own? I’d never look back. When you’re trying to steady yourself so you can balance your emotions and move on, the last thing you need is your own family having digs at you knocking you over every chance they get.
Yeah, I know I’m no fun to be around right now, but trying to bully me into talking about something I don’t feel comfortable talking about is only going to make me worse.
My head is swimming with emotions right now, and it’s all I can do to just about think straight sometimes. No, I’m not handling it very well. But forcing me into situations like that just makes things worse.
I’m stressed out about my job. I’m stressed out about (E) leaving me and breaking my heart. I could really do without being stressed out about living in my own home. 😥
Dammit, I hate being so boxed in like this.
It makes everything so much harder to deal with.
Addendum: It really hurts when I can hear them talking about me. In not a very nice way. Family, are meant to be supportive. Not aggressively dismissive.