I’m going to try and combat my morning lows with an early night tonight.
I’ve had nothing but the aftermath of last nights dream going through my head all day.
It took every inch of strength i could muster not to cry at work. Every time someone asked if I’d had a good break or how i was i came a little closer to falling apart.
I managed to hold back the tears right up to the moment i left work. The second i walked through the exit doors my body gave in and i broke down.
I cried my eyes out on the way to the bus.
I feel so stupid and i know everyone was giving me funny looks but i just couldn’t hold it back anymore.
I don’t really want to sit and cry at home like last time. I want to let it out in a more constructive sense. Although i did hit a moment of clarity last time. But then last time didn’t feel final. Nor did it have the weight of a previous blip behind it.
I need to just take it a day at a time. It’s going to be so hard and tiring but i dont want to break down at work again. It’s bad enough there as it is. I dont need them all staring at me like some sort of loser.
I just need to get home, eat dinner, and go to bed. Then? Then I just start it all over again tomorrow 😥