Low mornings.

Mornings are definitely an issue for me. 

I woke up today upset. Again. 

I remember two dreams for last night. The first one had nothing to do with (E).

The second was a little upsetting…

I spent the entire dream looking for her as she’d been kidnapped. I finally find the guy that kidnapped her and am forced to kill him. But (E)’s nowhere to be found. Tge kidnappers last words were: “She sacrificed herself to save you. Looks like she really did love you after all”. 

I shot him. Out of anger and then stole a clock because there would be fingerprints on it. I then ran to a friend and we proceeded to hunt her down and save her.

I woke up shortly after setting off.
I know i dreamt of her last night because i read back her break up message. A moment of weakness it has to be said.

I miss her terribly, i miss texting her good morning. I miss sending her my love. I miss the feel of her hands in mine.

And I’ll probably never get to experience those things again. And it feels like someone thrusting dangers into my chest.

Because even if we become friends, I’ll always know what im missing. 

I’ll want to message her all the time. But that will just become confusing. 

Im doing it again… Thinking too far ahead. I need to focus on myself today. Stay balanced. Try to get past the upset feelings. The sadness.

I did so well yesterday 😥

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