Honesty

I want to be honest. I’ve not eaten properly since (E) ended things for good.

Not out of some romantic fast. No. It’s simpler than that: food tastes like crap…

Everything i try to eat just tastes horrible. It’s cliché i know, but its true. Toast – tastes like crap and makes me feel like throwing up. 

I had to force down a cheese sandwhich and crackers yestrday. Just to appease my mother.

It’s not like i want to make myself ill. I really dont. But when theres not a lot of food in the house and theres not a shop nearby on shitty days like these. Im stuck with bland boring foods that make nauceous just by chewing on them. 

I need food. I’d rather not make myself ill as it hurts enough without all that as well. But it’s so hard to force feed myself food that makes me feel ill anyway. 

I know that sounds like a bucket load of excuses. But i dont know what to do. When I look at the food i know i should feel hungry. But i dont.

Maybe it is because i feel so low and so heartbroken. I don’t know. Im going to try and find something i can force myself to eat. Hopefully i can at least do that.

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