I cant remember the last time i just did nothing all day.
Granted today might not have been the best day to start, but the friend i was meant to meet up with today asked to reschedule. So my plans were gone for today. When that happened all my motivation for doing something, anything, went up in smoke.
I felt lost. Cast up in the air, with no safety net. So I’ve not moved from my bed today. I feel distgusting. Awful and like i should have done something with my day.
But like I’ve already said, i have no appetite to write at this moment. I cant face my short story’s unfinished plan, nor can i face writing poetry yet.
The truth is, i feel beaten. Emotionally as well as physically.
I feel tired and exhausted. And all i do is think. Ive watched a game of football for the first time in over 2 months. I used to watch it just to pass my Sundays. Which i had no need to do when with (E) because they used to be our date day.
I can’t help but feel ive just taken a massive step backwards now its all at an end.
To experience something so fantastic, so magical, so exhilarating. And to have it all gone in the matter of a few weeks. Is gutting. I’ve never met anyone I’ve wanted to spend as much time with as i do with (E).
It’s not just getting past losing someone i love, its trying to get over losing someone i consider my best friend.
Things will never be like they were. And i suppose thats the worst bit.