Lost and alone 

How do you get over someone so kind and gentle and lovely?

Just knowing it’s over doesnt seem to be helping. I dont hate her for it. Shit happens and life sucks.

But all that has happened doesn’t change her as a person. It doesn’t change how lovely she is. How kind, gentle, understanding. How much she made me smile. How much better i felt about myself when she looked at me. 

I know it’s gone. And that hole is huge. But how do i get my heart into repair mode? I sit here so down and low and i hate it. I just sit here wishing things would be different. And yet I know they wont be.

I don’t know if writing these posts is helping or not. I worry they’re just damaging me more.

I have no other outlet. I have no one i can just break down in front of. No one i trust that much. 

No friends i can spend my day with. My parents don’t get it. They try and say things to make me feel better but they just annoy me or upset me more.

This sense of feeling so lost is scary. And i dont know what to do. I must have said that a hundred times on here now. But i really dont know what to do now.

When you put so much of yourself into something and it falls apart, what do you do with the leftovers?!

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