Return to Heartbreak city

So, here i am again. 

This time probably for good. 

(E) finally messaged me this morning. But it was not to carry on like i thought it would be. 

It was to break things off. For good. 

I’m sitting here, not crying as much as last time, and whilst i initially thought that might have been a good thing. 

Its not. I can feel myself shutting down. 

My feelings were too much for her. She still has feelings for her ex and has not got over that heartbreak. And she said it wouldn’t be fair carrying on.

Especially when my feelings scare her so much.

She’s right too. Totally right.

And that sucks. I dont want her to be with me and not feel like i do. That would be worse than leaving me. 

But i love her. And genuinely thought we’d have a good run at things. More so than we had.

She wants to stay friends. And in the end id like that. But i told her id need a lot of space and that, in my heart, id always love her. Always.

I feel a bit stupid arranging that surprise now. And for starting to read that maths book. How stupid i must look to those around me.

I… I really dont know what to do.

I love her.

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6 thoughts on “Return to Heartbreak city

    1. Thanks Phoebe – something about this time round makes it far deeper a feeling to deal with. I don’t know why. But maybe it’s because i really know its over. I just feel so lost 😢

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      1. Yeah i know. It’s hard because i put so much into this. I love her so darn much. I just feel so lost.
        I dont know what to do right now. And im scared.

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      2. Im going out with a friend on monday. I don’t really have much else to do until then. It’s horrible because i know it’s not getting better. Now i just miss her. And almost everything reminds me of her. I know it will get better with time. But right now, everything reminds me of whats not there. It’s quite brutal to be honest 😢

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