So, here i am again.
This time probably for good.
(E) finally messaged me this morning. But it was not to carry on like i thought it would be.
It was to break things off. For good.
I’m sitting here, not crying as much as last time, and whilst i initially thought that might have been a good thing.
Its not. I can feel myself shutting down.
My feelings were too much for her. She still has feelings for her ex and has not got over that heartbreak. And she said it wouldn’t be fair carrying on.
Especially when my feelings scare her so much.
She’s right too. Totally right.
And that sucks. I dont want her to be with me and not feel like i do. That would be worse than leaving me.
But i love her. And genuinely thought we’d have a good run at things. More so than we had.
She wants to stay friends. And in the end id like that. But i told her id need a lot of space and that, in my heart, id always love her. Always.
I feel a bit stupid arranging that surprise now. And for starting to read that maths book. How stupid i must look to those around me.
I… I really dont know what to do.
I love her.