Selfish insecurity?

Ok. I’ve been writing more poems today. 

I’ve got one left (of 11) and todays big one, the one that moved me to almost tears, was not about (E). 

It was, in fact, about Boris. Her favourite cat. The gentleman cat as i like to think of him.

He is simply wonderful. And, it was whilst writing this i realise how selfish i am.

My insecurities and fears lead me down one way alleys. They create a tunnel vision of sorts. Where i can see what they want me to see, but in doing so i overlook some, potentially, important facts.

Recently (E) got some bad news about dear Boris. He doesn’t have long bless him. And i thought, I’d write a little something about the loveable grey furball that proved to me not all cats are horrid. He showed me some are actually capable of being nice – to me!

I wanted to write something that would show how much i cared for the little guy. But i also wanted (E) to have something sweet to remember him by. From me.

So, this surprise I’m working on, whilst specifically aimed at her, is meant to be sentimental and personal. A truth i hope she sees when it arrives. 

I only have one poem left, so when its done and editing is complete, it’ll simply be a matter of time!

Anyway my point is, i worry so much that I’ve done something to upset her, or push her away, when the reality is it could be any number of things. 

I know i have to be patient and let her come to me in her own time, but all i want to do is make sure everything is ok. Make sure she’s ok. Make sure Boris is ok. 

Maybe i simply care too much, try to be or do too much. I just dont know any other way! 

I hope, if she reads this, she’ll see that i care and just want to help if i can. I just want her to be happy after all.

That being said, if it is me – i can at least try and repair that damage! Hopefully!


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