So, i wanted to talk about my overthinking again.
I’m better than i was. I’ve been doing ok at keeping that positive attitude together. It helps stop any negative thoughts taking hold and making feel down.
But it’s not a perfect world and i cant keep it up all the time – unfortunately.
So, when things happen and i struggle the overthinking kicks in and its like it knows im weak.
An example is, as always, conversations between me and (E).
My positive attitude has worked very well this past week or so (since i implemented it). But today it’s wavering, probably due to my own tiredness.
We spoke this morning, shes still not quite right, that sickness bug can take you out for a couple days afterall, but where she’s really tired and rundown, she comes across as a little distant.
In my mind i know shes rundown and sick so i shouldn’t think anything of it. But sometimes the thoughts niggle at me and i worry all the same.
I need to nip these insecurities in the bud bloody quickly because I’d hate for them to inadvertently push her away.
I love (E), as funny as that still is to say, and still stand by every decision I’ve made to this date. But i think my fear of losing her is a little to real, still.
I know it’s natural to fear losing something/someone you truly love but how do you get over that?
Well, I’ve realised that i can’t change overnight, like I’ve said before, but it will happen gradually. Rather than pressure myself to get over it right now, i need to keep being positive and push through those times of difficulty.
After all i am getting better. I keep thinking about what she’s already said to me. And that combats what i fear, perfectly.
I’ll end this post by saying this:
Whereas before i would overthink and panic all the time, recently it’s just been the times when I’m tired, in the mornings. That little sick feeling in my gut dissipates and is filled instead with happiness at the thought of speaking to/seeing (E).
So, basically instead of being all the time its down to minimal moments of weakness. To me, thats progress. And it makes me feel hope that I’ll get there in the end 🙂