Today is my last shift for 10 whole days!
And i cannot wait. Truly i need this break!
I did not sleep that well last night, truth be told. I’m not sure why, but i woke at 3.30am (I haven’t done that in a while) and could not sleep properly afterwards.
I woke this morning with (E) buzzing around my mind, in the most amazing way, for a split second i thought i could smell her on me. My brain was feeling rather torturous this morning!
But, i also woke with fresh negative thoughts. My tiredness seems to play an integral part in my thought process this early in the morning.
I suppose it’s natural, my brain taking a moment to fully wake up and for it to combat the negativity. I know i cant be alone in this plight.
Knowing that, however, doesn’t make it easier to deal with. I keep trying to block them out (at least until i wake up a little) but i find myself going over silly scenarios – all induced by fear and insecurity. It’s not very nice.
I know by lunch time I’ll feel better, and that it’s just this prolonged lack if contact we’re having (day 3 of 3 by the way).
We speak again tomorrow, and I’m really looking forward to it. I don’t know when we’re seeing each other again but I’m looking forward to that too!
Until then i just need to focus on the plethora of good things around me (including (E) of course) instead of some unfounded worry or fear.
I knew I wouldn’t get better over night; but i thought it would get better, gradually, quicker than it is.
Anyway, I suppose I should get on with this last shift for 10 days (that’s a pretty big positive thought) and move forward with these pretty amazing (and very positive) words:
‘I love you Dan, always remember that’ – (E)
Yeah, thats a bit of a biggy isnt it? 🙂