I’ve started writing these in the morning because that’s when i think im at the highest risk of being caught out by my negative thoughts.
Im tired and my brain just isn’t as active so as to defend against that negativity…
The negativity is made substantially worse by a feeling of resentment towards my job. And, shamefully, some of the people who work there.
So, I sit here on this bus in a slight grump because i dont want to go to work.Nothing new there then!
As far as things go with (E) this is day two of our 3 days of no messages. And boy is it hard!
I find myself picking up my phone with intent of sending her a little ‘hey you’ message or something similar. But i have to physically stop myself. Which is sometimes very disheartening.
I can’t help the negative thoughts running through my head, i can only fight them with that positive mindset i discovered recently. But, as i figured, it’s not as simple as just ‘thinking happy thoughts’. I have to stop myself mid-negative thought.
I have to add here though; that the negativity does subside eventually – whether it’smy brain waking up or simply that the positive thoughts win out. I dont know. All i know is i start my day off tired and grumpy at having to work, fight with my negative thoughts, but then i start to realise the truth. Of how she feels and what she says.
And then i smile. Like i seem to be doing right now.
I think abour her every second of every day. And I smile like a fool when i do.
Maybe my job is just so mundane i can’t busy my mind and that allows the negativity time to breath.
I just have to try and strangle them out with the truth. It’s certainly working right now!