Feeling … Nervous?

I know I say about my sensitivity in the about me section on this blog, but I neglected to state how Nervous I can be…

I get nervous, not all the time, but about specific situations.

The triggers for my nerves are mainly the following:

  • Confrontations
  • Speaking to/seeing people I like
  • Doing something new

Usually, the nerves are strongest in that order.

But recently my nerves have been all over the place. Even before recent emotional ‘fluctuations’.

My biggest nerve-supplier is obviously (E) and they’re the good kind of nerves. The electric kind, that makes everything feel a million times better than they would normally. Like seeing (E) after so long – I know the longer we hold off, the more nerves I’m going to feel. Sometimes they’re a bit overwhelming, but eventually they subside a little when I realise, it’s (E)! And she’s just as nervous as me!

They return when we hold hands, hug, kiss etc. Which is when I want them back at that level, because my senses feel heightened. She makes the hairs on my body stand on end, and I feel a momentary high. And that feeling is exclusively caused by her. And I’ve never felt anything quite like it. It’s only natural to hunt that feeling out, wanting more of it.

This is the problem we both had before I think. We let that feeling spur us on, and got carried away. A shame? Not really. Becuase It led us both to realise we love each other and neither of us is going anywhere. Not to mention we certainly understand each other a lot better. 

I know a lot more about how she is, with emotions, feelings, and everything else. Whilst she now knows me a lot better – I gave her the web address for this blog (the only person in my life to have that address – seriously).

Something good always comes from something bad even if, at the time, you can’t see it.

Anyway, back to my nerves…

When I sit here and think about (E), which is most of the time, I get all tingly, my chest tightens (in a good way) and my head goes a little light. All in the best way. I know it sounds like I’m ill but it’s difficult to explain the process. Basically, I tingle all over and then there’s this large fist-like lump of nerves in my chest that start spreading through my body. Like when you’re in the shower, and the hot water turns up for a second, that wave of heat that shoots over your skin? That’s similar to how I feel when I sit and think of her. It’s odd. But in the best possible way.

I do not know how to describe it so you can understand, but that feeling, the intense nerve pulses, are more intense when I’m with her. It’s crazy how she makes me feel!

But it’s more than that. More than the obvious chemistry we have. It’s also how she makes me feel in myself. The nerves are settled because I remember what she feels, what she told me. And I feel more confident, stronger. Just enough to ease the overwhelming nature of the nerves so I can actually talk to her. And not just chew my words up like they’re part of another language.

This sensation usually subsides when we get closer, and then the nerves take over. When it’s just us two together, the nerves resurface and as we play with each other’s hands, the hairs start to stand on end again, our little game of handsies are both stimulating and calming at the same time. It’s rather surreal.

Then, as we catch each other’s cheeky looks, we kiss. And those nerves, explode. Every last one of them. It’s quite literally breathtaking.

My heart beats faster than ever before, and we both feel it. Those nerves are actually good for something. They make it all seem so surreal and heighten the moment.

And whilst the nerves I feel now, writing this, are slightly encumbering, they will turn into something rather amazing the next time we kiss. And that’s why I don’t mind feeling them… Especially now I know they’re there, and how to kind of control them – it’s easier to not get so carried away this time!

There it is: another thing I’ve learnt about myself! I’m a nervous nelly! 



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