Brave stupidity…

I’ve just done something either very brave.  Or very stupid.

We were going to meet up today. And I was going to give her the Christmas present I’d put together for her.

But she had plans with her family prior to ours and couldn’t make it.

But I realised that maybe I need distance and space too. We’ve spoken almost every day since breaking up. And every morning after I felt terrible. Like the quick fix of talking meant my heart broke a new every day. All over again.

So, I told her how much I loved her. Told her I’d always love her. Reassured her I’d still be here when she’s ready, but also that I need space too. My heart is breaking every day and the pain I feel is just being buffered when we talk. I set Sunday as a day we can talk again and arrange that meeting if we want it.

I ended the message with the positive reinforcement of my love and that I always will.

She agreed and thanked me for having the strength to suggest it.

I hope this allows me to deal with my pain. And her to deal with hers, but most of all I hope this ultimately lets her see that if we were to get back together that I would never push her. That my love for her is truly unconditional. It doesn’t require her to do anything – I just love her freely.

I’ll live in hope that one day we can live our lives together. But I realised that I need to get passed this pain to do that.

So wish me luck. I have work from now until Sunday. So hopefully I can use that positively. I need to sleep better. I need to wake up better. I need to smile again. Hopefully, this space can help us both find each other and be happy when we do!

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