I call them poisoned memories because they were once memories I could cry with joy over. Memories I wished I could make real and display like priceless ornaments.
Now when I think if them, I still want all of that, but they make me sad. And upset, because I miss her. And I know that I might never add to that collection of memories ever again!
OK. So onwards to our next date… she’d just started her placement. And she hated it. She was treated poorly. Fainted, on her first day and simply detested it.
So I planned for us to do something fun on the Sunday, when we met up…
We went bowling. Simply to try and allow her to let her hair down a little.
It worked. We had fun. Hurt our arms showing off to each other. And then she invited me back to hers… To meet her parents and spend time together that isn’t in a car.
So we went to her house. I freaked. Settled myself and met her parents – who were lovely. They cooked a roast dinner and we and we watched strictly come Dancing. It was fun. And remarkably relaxing.
Afterwards we went up to her room and put Planet earth on the TV. It was the mountains one. With the eagle flying around at high speeds.
We didn’t watch much of that episode. Because, as we were holding and caressing each others hands, we kept looking and let each other. And looking away bashfully.
Her hands. I’ll remember their feeling on mine until I die. They were equal parts gentle but determined. Our fingers intertwined and rubbing over each other. It was like a sensual massage for our hands. It felt amazing. Every time I rub my hands together I can’t help but imagine every time we did that.
Eventually she looked at me, as I looked at her. And simply said, playfully, “what?” …
To which I answered “you. I think you’re beautiful did you know that?”
Even in the dark I saw her cheeks blush as she leant her head on mine.
“I’m sorry but you are. Truly an amazing person” I said with a smile on my face. I couldn’t believe I was next to her right then. My heart was racing.
She whispered to me “ssshh” and then leant in and kissed me. We both leant our heads back afterwards. Looked at each other and smiled. And kissed again. She was intoxicating. And made me want her more. After a while of us being together, she took me home. And we spent a rather long time kissing again. I went into my home biting my lip in anticipation of seeing her again…
The following day she messaged me telling me she was not going back to her placement and wanted to leave her course. She couldn’t take being treated like that. I supported her but didn’t see her until the Tuesday. Where we simply hung out and talked. I tried to help her feel better about her decision in that she felt she did the right thing so therefore she did. I went home that night. And she left having felt better about her choice. I hoped.
On the following Sunday, we met up and I went back to hers. We went for a walk down one of the local roads and simply talked. I shared my trouble at university about how I was treated badly but didn’t have the strength to make the hard choices. And that I admired her for quitting because it showed guts and a strength I didn’t have at that point in my life. I felt us grow closer that afternoon. I stayed for dinner again, and again we retired to her bedroom to watch Planet Earth. this time we watched it. All of it, it was the jungles one – with the frog carrying it’s young around one by one.
We laid together again, talking, cuddling. It was peaceful. We kissed and held each other and it was amazing.
In the next part, I’ll look at the week in which everything changed. And we told each other we loved each other… This will be the hardest part to write…