Using plagues to one’s advantage

I’ve been overthinking the past few days. Uncontrollably so.

So I thought I’d put it to good use. I over thought and went through every date I’ve ever been on with my girlfriend. It was very hard at first. It was emotional and extremely difficult. 

But then I hit upon something. Somehing I think might have triggered this all off. Something I can fix. And funnily enough, something I’d worried about and was abouthe to fix before all this happened.  

I can attempt to fix it now. But if I’m wrong it’ll make things worse. So I suppose I have to wait. But this makes things worse and better. 

Worse because I want to put her mind at rest and can’t.  Plus, if I leave it too late no matter what I say it might fall on deaf ears.

Better because I now know what might have gone wrong. 

I should not say a word until she is ready to hear from me. I know that. But this urge. To right a possible wrong is so strong. 

My mind, something she’s said she adores is something, I feel, plagues me…

How can I be so in love and yet so heartbroken at the same time?

Addendum to this post: I misremembered. I already said, at the time, what would fix this. So,  I’m back to the starting point. Bugger it. Bugger my brain. 


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