I’m sorry for any repeat readers I have. I’m sorry for bombarding you with my feelings. You probably want to read other more interesting things: I don’t blame you.
But if I’m honest? I don’t have anyone i can just go to and vent. To get everything I’m feeling in my head and heart out into the open.
I feel like a pressure bottle. All these feelings i could share with my girlfriend. The girl I love. The girl I was on the same page with for so long. I’ve now had to put a lid on them. And yet the pot is still filling. My head feels like it will explode any second, my heart will follow soon after, and my body feels run down more than ever before.
I am, for lack of a better phrase, heartbroken.
She’s not left me. She’s taking time to sort out her head. I cannot deny her that. I’d rather her be 100% sure than half sure. But she keeps messaging me. And it takes every single inch of self control to stop from telling her I love her. Or to be a little over zealous and say hings like “my love” or “I’m thinking of you”…
She does still send kisses and hearts, not as much as before, but they’re still there. I don’t want to push her, because that’s not fair. But I miss her. I miss how things were. I miss looking forward to seeing her. I was meant to stay over tonight and new years. And now I know that’s not happening. But she stated she wanted to wait until the new year and see how we feel. That sounds a little too final to me. But how far should I go to let her know how I feel? I wrote her a letter, filled it with ladybirds (our version of butterflies) and plan on posting it to her. Is that too much?
Waiting around and not being able to fix this problem is killing me. I’m lost. Walking in the dark and I’ve dropped my flashlight. The one person who lit-up everything around me…
And I don’t know what to do.