And the heart ran away with the spoon

I have a tendency to allow my heart free passage. It’s really difficult to contain it when it picks up a head of steam.

This scares me but I’ve not learnt to fully control it. 

I don’t know how to calm it. I don’t know how to stunt it without injuring it.

My feelings for (E) have grown exponentially these past 2-3 weeks. A growth pattern that also worries me..

I know she feels the same way as me right now. Or at least I know she’s said she does. And it makes me smile more than I’ve ever smiled before.

I want her to realise, for the first time in 9 years,  I’m ready to open myself up for someone. And be in a relationship. 

The biggest problem I have there is simple: how on earth do I do that? It’s more than just meeting up and having a great time.  It’s about being there emotionally, to support and strengthen each other. But what else? 

How do I know things are going well? How do I know things are not going bad? What are the signs? I simply do not know. And that, in truth, scares the crap out of me. Seriously.

Do I tell her this? Do I try and wing it? I simply do not know. I’ve been doing OK as an open, honest book so far. Maybe the truth will allow me to continue on my lonesome road. Or, hopefully it will alter my path and help me me merge with hers. 

I just don’t know. I need sleep. I know that much.  And I’m about to get some. I’ll no doubt dream of (E) again. I have done every night since our first date. It’s both odd and yet exciting. Last night was a new high. And I’m excited for tonight. 

What ever happens from here on out, I think I’ve been the luckiest guy in the world so far. But most of all, I’m looking forward to Sunday. When we meet once more ❤

What do you guys think about this? Are my feelings matural or simply part of a vicious cycle?


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