So. It’s been a long while since I posted on here. I’ve been busy. Correction: I’ve kept busy.
The last we spoke I was in the throws of getting over a self-inflicted heartache. That was a long time ago. It seems like a distant memory.
Since that last post, I’ve been to London twice. Got commissioned by a national magazine for a two-page spread and have started up a YouTube channel. The latter is simply a hobby and a bit of fun.
I have to say, though, that the reason I have started writing on here again is a much happier one than the reason this all started.
I’ve met someone. *GASP*
When I say I’ve met someone, I should clarify: I’ve known her a while but only recently have we spoken properly and doing so resulted in my first date in around 10 years. Wow.
I’ll discuss the date somewhat, shortly but first I have to state, that I’ve learnt a lot this past year. This seemed to be the suckered punch my heart and head both needed to start working together. Funny how things work out, is it not?
So we have been speaking for roughly two weeks. Every day. And it’s been crazy (good). We get on like a house on fire and make each other laugh (and blush).
As you’ve gathered from my other posts I’m a very sensitive guy. I’m also lacking in selling esteem and confidence. Which culminates in me being infuriatingly shy, even when I know a girl likes me – which is rare.
But this time seemed different. I like (E), a lot. But I’ve managed to keep my head about me and not let my heart run off into the sunset without a saddle. Which was hard for me.
That seems to have worked because I was able to actually talk to her via message/text (without being an idiot). A refreshing improvement.
We’d arranged to meet up in a local seaside town and decided that a seafront walk was a nice romantic thing to do. We met around 5.30pm and walked for a little while. We sat on a bench as the sun was setting and nervously talked.I rambled, as I always do and she was her usual shy self. It was a little bubble of nerves we’d created for ourselves.
We then found a quaint little hotel bar and sat out on the deck and spoke some more. This time the sound of the ocean crashing on the shore was prominent and soothing.
We both opened up a little and it became a more relaxed atmosphere for us both. I did start to worry and doubt myself but tried to push those negative thoughts to the back of my mind.
Eventually, we went for another walk and after a rather long period of us both sitting nervously and edging ever closer to one another, I cracked.
I sat there thinking to myself, do I put my arm around her? She keeps looking at me and smiling. And it was at that point the self-doubt set in: “what if she doesn’t want to? What if she’s just being nice and wants to leave?” what if. But, somehow, everything changed.
I don’t know what came over me. Whether it was some new found confidence or the fact that my feelings for her was more prominent than my self-doubt, but I turned to her and said the least romantic thing I’ve ever said: “I’m sorry (E), like I said earlier It’s been years since I’ve been on a date, and I don’t really know the etiquette. But I really want to cuddle you right now. Would that be ok?”
I’m pretty sure that with anyone else that would have ended with a very negative moment I’d live to regret. But not with (E). She smiled, giggled and simply said ‘I’d like that a lot”.
She blushed as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, and I tried to hide my blush as I couldn’t believe that she really wanted to be here with me!
We sat there and cuddled for what seemed like a lifetime. It was wonderful. Except it was freezing and we were both shaking like leaves.
Eventually, we caught each other looking and leant in out of embarrassment of being caught. As we touched heads, we laughed at ourselves, and then the most amazing thing occurred. We kissed. WE KISSED!
It was like a dream, a fantasy, come to life.
We walked a little further along the front and found a nice spot to look out and gaze at the stars and the now pitch black beach. We could hear the waves crashing and to our left, we could see bright white lights of the beachside cafe reflected in the oceans rippling waves.
We held each other and Kissed again. It was so surreal.
We laughed out of embarrassment, I’m not sure either of us knew why, but when we looked at the time, it was around 10pm. We’d been out for nearly 5hrs and it had felt like 30minutes.
I cannot explain how I feel right now, other than to say that I sit here now, the evening after, smiling like a school boy. I close my eyes and I’m right back with her, her beautiful, soft face staring at me and smiling. She’s so beautiful.
It’s early days yet but not matter what; I’ll treasure this night forever.
She’s the most amazing girl. She’s shy, but she’s adorable. She’s quiet, but her smile speaks volumes. She was nervous, yet her eyes pulled me in.
I think the thing that gets me the most, is that we’ve already arranged a second date. This one at an earlier time, and with only a week between now and then, I really am starting to get excited about it all.
I can’t wait!