It’s been two weeks since my last post. That’s a long time considering I pretty much posted every night before this unintentional hiatus.
Like I said; it was not intentional. I’ve just not been in the mood to write much in that time, if I’m being honest.
But there is good news – enough worth writing about at least – in that I’m finally in a good place in regards to my emotions and feelings. I’ve stopped bobbing up and down and I feel as though I’m starting to level out a little…
I’ve gone 2 weeks without having this blog to fall back on and release, but I’ve had ‘K’ to talk with and whilst I’ve not felt the need to talk her ears off about the girl [focus] of recent emotional disturbances, I have had the chance to just talk with her and generally laugh a lot more than I had previously.
It’s obviously working because I feel better in myself and feel far better equipped to deal with seeing this girl. I wouldn’t say I’m quite over her, but I’m past the point of caring. Which is a big step for me.
That means I’m at a stage where I simply couldn’t care less if she likes me or not. Ok so some of you may argue that’s being ‘over’ her but I still get moments where I look at her and just think ‘wow’. Just split second thoughts that I squash as quick as they surface, but they’re enough to remind me I have a little way to go.
It always sounds silly when you say things like that out loud. I know I have a huge flaw in that I like people far too quickly for my own good. Emphasis on the word usage there: Like, not Love. It’s something I’m trying desperately to deal with, but then I don’t want to swing the other way and not feel anything at all!
So as silly as I think I sound, or as silly as you think I sound, I’ll ignore those thoughts and carry on being me. Albeit me on an improvement drive.
I suppose the point of this post was to say out loud, figuratively speaking at least, that I’m finally in a good place for the long haul – and not just visiting until Friday!
Aside from the obvious girl issue, I’ve also been a bit up and down in regards to stress and anxiety. Mainly work related, but also just in general life. I don’t really get out much, but when I do it’s usually by myself. So I try to do things I’ve not done or go to places I’ve never been.
For example, next march I’ll be hitting one more year older. To celebrate I’m skipping drinks and hitting London for a few days. I want to take in all those things I keep saying I’ll do but never actually do. I want to finally go and spend an afternoon at the Planetarium as well as go back to the Science and Natural history museums and to top it all off I’m planning on going to the London sea life centre and getting a back stage tour (should be fun).
As a final coup de grace I’ll be making a shortlist of 20 cocktail bars in London that I’d like to go and visit with the intention to definitely visit 5 of them (hopefully I’ll stretch to 10 though).
All of this inside 4 days. I’ve decided that to truly enjoy life we have to do the things that make us happy. For me being happy means time away like this. I want to go and see the museums and other attractions that I want. And enjoy a few well-made cocktails whilst I’m at it!
I’ve always wanted to travel around Italy – a tour that includes the favourites (Rome, Venice, Milan etc.) but a trip that also includes places less-travelled to; like Florence, Tuscany, Torino among others. I want this trip so bad I even had a dream in which I was in the Italian countryside with a friend. It was nice.
Anyway I should probably stop rambling on about stuff. What’s important, to me, is that I’m feeling better emotionally, and I know the things I have to work on – and I’m working on them!
See there is hope – Yay!