I feel good. Too good. And it unnerves me.
I’ve had a pretty good week (and a bit) off work and know a truth that I’ve dwelled on for a while now: I’m happier when I’m not at work.
That sounds a bit like a redundant comment I know. After all who can really be happy at work?
The answer? People who are lucky enough to have a job they love. There was a time when I hoped I could get that. Yet here I am working in a job that makes me more depressed every week and means I have to spend time with some people I really don’t like.
There are good points, after all if I didn’t have this job I’d never have met ‘K’ or the other, very few, people who make my life better.
But there are times when all of the good is out weighed by the bad. Or at least in ones mind.
So I’m happy, in this moment right now. At least content and am having a few good days. But, and there is a big but (and I cannot lie), I know when I go back things will be as tense and stressful as they were before.
So I have that to look forward to, and it makes me anxious.
Further to that I have the annoying trait of judging people by my own standards. Which I learn time and time again is not the most accurate stance to take.
I pride myself on being polite, helpful and otherwise a nice person. So I’m all about my please and thank you’s. Unfortunately a lot of people I meet in my work are the opposite. Worse than that are the people that just simply don’t know how to treat other people; those who consistently treat those below them like dirt.
Anyway this feeling of joy, no matter the strength is both a blessing and a curse. It’s nice to feel happy and content. But not when its so darn fleeting.
So I may be happy for now, And it feels great, but it will go and I’ll be left with stress. But for now I’ll try and enjoy the happiness. While it lasts…