Post #16: I’ve felt worse…

So today was stressful, at least enough so for me to seriously consider the next job I find, regardless of what it actually is!

I have a safe and secure job, but I know that sooner, rather than later, I need to leave. I’ve been with this company for nearly 11 years – it sounds bad when I say it out loud, but it was perfect for my early career-years and whilst I spent 3 years at university. However, after floating around on different departments trying to look for a breath of fresh air to reinvigorate my current role, it is apparent to me that now I need a new job…

Having said that ‘K’ works there and I couldn’t possibly imagine life without her there to help – she has this knack of drawing all of the crap out of the air and making things seem very relaxed. I’m very jealous of that ability.

So whilst work was stressful, and it rained quite heavily, it was also the first day where I thought I’d done well in hiding any feelings and misery – in fact I’d thought I was doing very well. Until a close friend and his girlfriend came in. She asked me how I was doing and asked if everything was ok. I said yeah and that I was stressed about work, and she immediately shot me a look that told me she saw right through my little façade. Fair play to her. Slight hint that I need to work on my poker face a bit ha!

wtf-20-times

I also have a two or three outings sorted for my week off, it’s fast approaching, and I’m very happy with that! Just need to find somewhere for a nice walk should the weather allow such a thing!

Another thing I’d like to comment on is my lack of sleep. Recently I’ve been having trouble getting any decent amount of sleep. I can get my head down for an hour or two but then my body almost jolts awake. And then I just go back to sleep and do it all over again!

I know it’s because I’ve got a lot on my mind, and that won’t change anytime soon, but somehow I still need my sleep. Maybe that week off coming up will supply the respite I need!

That aside, overall I feel pretty good about things and have almost made peace with the fact that my heart went AWOL on this one. I need someone closer to my own personality, someone who will appreciate my misgivings. And that obviously isn’t her.

Cute smile, Super-Sexy, and she knows how to fire a gun... Perfection!
Cute smile, Super-Sexy, and she knows how to fire a gun… Perfection!

That may sound like a bit of a turn around after the previous posts of mine, and it would be, but I’ve used an age old trick to help me get over people: Pump all those feelings into a celebrity crush!

It works quite well, and has been a good technique of mine for many years. It might not be the best solution in the long run, but it helps the hurt and helps me feel better about myself, in a weird enough way. The scary thing is that I know I’d probably handle speaking to Yvonne Strahovski in person better than anybody I’ve ever liked! Plus she seems kinda cool you know?

So to summarise:

  • A stressful yet progress filled day.
  • I learned that my poker face needs work.
  • Celebrity Crush helps fix broken heart.
  • Realisation that I’m jealous of “K’s” ability to convert misery into joy at a pretty efficient rate too!
  • I desperately need to have a good nights sleep.

Tomorrow is another day and one that I intend to use!

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