How do we find a path in the dark when we don’t know where we stand?
I thought I did. I thought I could see the path set before me as clear as day. But now the sun has set and left me fumbling around in the dark.
I try harder to look for a path, any path, but no matter how hard I look my eyes cannot penetrate the overwhelming darkness that surrounds me.
So I fumble onwards.
I try making headway in one direction and feel like I’m making progress. Until I trip and fall. The landing hurts, I really thought I’d got the hang of this already…
I pick myself up, brush myself off and struggle to find my feet. They’re there, but now the darkness has consumed them too.
There is a little light that, every now and then, allows me a glimpse or two of the path in the distance.
But they too are slowly dwindling, now down to a bare minimum and as much as I try to walk straight, imperfections mean I’m not destined for anywhere of notice anytime soon.
I’m slow, steady, but still very lost in this darkness. But then something magical happens: I hear a voice, a voice full of beauty and, of course, I follow it. And there she is, a beautiful, yet faceless young lady with the most striking smile, stood there waving. At me!
We talk briefly and I want to be out of this shadow so I allow my feelings to grow and hope this is my way out.
It works for a while, a bright light appears over the horizon, gently lighting the area upon which I’ve been walking for what feels like an eternity.
But as the light hits me, and breaks the darkness shrouding the area, my heart begins to break.
As I look back at where I’ve been, expecting to see footprints as far as the eye can see, I see the saddest of truths: my footprints circle themselves, over and over!
A tear comes to my eye. All that progress I thought I was making, all that effort and all I’ve done is travel the same small area of this mysterious land again and again.
I wonder why the mistakes I make end up resulting in the same end, even though I feel as though they’re different mistakes, they’re obviously the same mistakes only disguised as different people…
As I come to realise this mistake, I try to reel in my feelings, but it’s too late. As I reach out to pull them in, the pretty female stood before me laughs and grabs it. She pulls it towards her with a painful force. And then before I know it I’m on my knees begging for the darkness to return and save me from this pain.
But it doesn’t return. I sit there hurt and alone. While the pretty torturer continues to torment my mind.
Realising that even if the darkness did return I’d be destined to keep making that same mistake. Over and over.
So now I need to find a way out of this torture. How do you get over feelings caused by someone who constantly reminds you of your own failings? It’s a great feeling, liking her, seeing that mesmerising smile. But it’s also painful because knowing she doesn’t like me back just shows how far I have to go to better deal with these sort of feelings…