My second post (the pain of a shattered heart) was written in haste as I lost the original post I was going to share.
I found that post and I don’t want to throw it away as I wrote it during the morning after my heart shattered. It has more emotion than the one posted yesterday but that one says what I felt recalling the event. Either way both have emotional merit. So here is the post that was meant to be post #2…
So a little after I posted last night I got a message from the girl in question.
She couldn’t get over the age gap. Which I suppose I should’ve seen coming. I asked if it was an stance I could ever persuade her from, but it was still a definitive no.
I have to accept that. And try to remain friends. There’s no reason to throw away a potential friend and make life more difficult than it has to be. I know that.
So I caught up with her at work today, steeled myself and asked her if we were cool? Said I think were on the same page and simply said “friends?” As I held my hand out (for a friendly handshake). She laughed took my hand and said “friends”.
That’ll have to do for me. Regardless of how I feel, its all I’m ever going to get.
I’m not even angry at her, I’m angry at myself for believing I stood a chance. She is after all, gorgeous and I’m, well, not. Not to mention the killer: the age gap.
I just feel so stupid. Like literally I’m so angry I’m upset. Sure I’m disappointed and hurt she’s not interested in me. But then I knew that would be a possibility from the outset, even though I got carried away with hoping for a date.
That’s also another painful thought. In my mind the date I would’ve asked her out on was planned in case she actually said yes!
And it would have been great. I suppose I’ll have to store it away and try not to think about the perfect date that never was…
I’m still broken up inside. It sounds silly to write it down, but no matter how little you’ve known someone for, rejection hurts. A lot.
The walls are already being rebuilt and I got through the day without a tear. Although I feel so full of tears I feel sick. Like I need a really good cry, vent and then I’d feel better.
‘There’s plenty more fish in the sea’ that’s the old saying right? Well I’ve got one thing to say to everyone who says that:
There may be plenty more out there. But not a single one of them is her.